Da Vall at Lake Krugolye

Archive Index archive 1

Name: GDR and Bulgaria

The Belarussians will be joining us soon.

Name: Reverend Tracy

Lettuce pray:

Name: Wing and Beck

S'okay, Lindsay. At least you had us.

Name: Pickens, Bhardwaj, and Dyson

Lindsay lost SimGym and it's all our fault.

Name: Sergei Kharkov


Name: Ralph Kern

OK honey. Now your foot is OK. But be careful of O-157!!!

Name: ..

I heard Olesya Dud was making a comeback too. But she wants to compete for Ukraine.

Name: John Tesh at 1999 Worlds

There won't be any little girls dancing tonight. 12 years ago, they led their Soviet Team to victory in Seoul. Now, Svetlana Baitova, Svetlana Boginskaya, and Natalya Laschenova, long since retired, try to lead their Belarussian Team to qualification fo r Sydney.

Name: Oleg again

Sveta, why don't you make a comeback as well. You're probably better than all the other girls

Name: Oleg Mischenko

Olga, Yulia, Hurry back to Belarus quickly. WE NEED YOU!!!!!!

Name: Iniconnu Again

Groshie, do you know me? I hope you do, and if so I'm still waiting
for my fax, doggedly, every day... Patiently even.

Name: Kathleen Stark-Kern

Will I be ready for the worlds??

Name: Marius and Ralf

We are still alive.

Name: Svetlana Baitova

Um, Liapina, that's not Zmeskal. That's Shamu.

Name: Fabby

but I don't want to hang out with Zmeskal

Name: Lyapina

Hey, I hear they have great hot dogs at sea world. Can I come. Please.

Name: Grosheva


Name: Fabby

I can flip like the dolphins.

Name: Yulia and Olga Yurkina, Svetlana Baitova

Hey Fabby, you should join us at sea world. Whales sure beat elephants.

Name: Kharkov

Give me a citizenship!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Name: Cheryl from the SMB

I am not K. K is surpost to be out of town.

Name: Sylvia Mitova

Hey, does anyone know if I was okay after that trampoline accident?

Name: DoMo

Mrs. Tracy??? *sniffle* Can I please come to your gym, er, Sunday school?

You can worship a head of lettuce for all I care. I just need a coach!

Name: Mary Lee Tracy

*tacks a sign that reads "Cincinatti Sunday School" over the sign that reads "Cincinatti Gymnastics Academy"*

Name: Yvonne Tousek

I'm back! I'm back! I'm back! I'm back!

Name: Roza

Leo, please, you can put Bachtina on the team. You can put Produnova. You can even leave me off But whatever you do, please don't put Kartseva.

Name: Inconnu

Hey, could someone tell Groshie that her interview in IG was great?
If not, I'll tell her myself.

Name: Leo

I'm sorry Roza...


Another CGA Parent

No dear, you've got that all wrong.
WE pay the bills.
We are the customers.
Business rule #1 is the customer is always right.

If you want to teach Bible then put a Sunday school sign on the door.
We non-Christian religions outnumber you, so don't ram yours down out throat.

Name: Dunev

It's okay. I will always have my modeling career to fall back on.

Name: a CGA parent

I demand that you stop emphasizing religion in this gym!

Yes, I'm aware that this is your own personal business....Yes I know you pay the bills! Yes I know you have enough money coming out of your ears and my business really doesn't matter to you at all!

What do you mean get out and find another gym if I don't like religion in the gym? NOOOOOOO....


In my gym we learn the Buddhist dharma.

We start each day's training by chanting the Heart Sutra and Protector
Chants at night "you cut off the aortas of the defilers of the dharma."

If you don't like it, find another gym.
So what if the closest decent gym is 100 miles away.

Name: Roza and Chussy

Krasimir, Krasimir, Krasimir. We know just how you feel.


No Dina; it's Tama-gogean

Name: Zamo

Ummm... will I still have to clean your room?

Name: Dina

Zamo, you will snub Moceanu for me, yes?

Name: Dina

Hey, why is there a dinky Dina tamagotchi? I am insulted!!!

Name: Zamo

But Dina, I learned all there is to snubbing from you. You are a hero for snubbing Moceanu.

Name: Bela

Nique, your more like a Tamagotchi.
I leave coaching and you go all to peices.

Name: Domi

"Bela, I'll be your beanie baby if you come back and coach me"

Name: Dina

Groshie, would you like me to teach you the art of snubbing?

Name: Groshie

Dina, of course you deserved to beat that butt wiggling twit! And speaking of her, how dare the judges score me 0.062 less than her in the team finals! We did virtually the same passes - but I topped her by doing a front double twist - yet I had a stunni ng interpretation to Frolova's old music and of course I have the best hands - I was so insulted that I boycotted the floor finals! An injury had I not!

Name: Dina

Does anyone else think that I should have beaten Domi in fx finals in Atlanta. So what if my routine makes you fall asleep, at least it has a "dignified" style and you would have missed Domi's butt wiggling. Who knows what would have happened if I hadn' t replaced Groshie....

Name: Laschy and Pods

It's okay, Domi, he's been paying them with your phone cards that NO ONE IS WILLING TO BUY because NO ONE WANTS TO SEE YOU WIGGLE YOUR BUTT EVEN WHEN THEY MAKE PHONE CALLS-SO THERE!


anyone want a beanie baby?

Name: Domi

Hey Pods, who was that lady that gave you a big stuffed animal in Philly? WHY DIDN'T SHE GIVE ONE TO ME???????

My daddy bought me all the stuffed animals at FAO Schwartz!! SO THERE!!!


Bela Bear's been looking pretty stuffed these days.
I weesh someone would stuff his mouth shut.

Name: Laschy and Pods

Yeah, Domi. Tell daddy to buy you a stuffed bear, and a stuffed bunny, and a stuffed coach...

Name: Domi Moceanu

Oh yeah, well MY DADDY said he's buy me a whole stuffed animal store so HA!!

Name: Pods

maybe so laschy, but ya ain't got more 'n me!

Name: Laschy

yeah. i've got more stuffed animals than vika does.


Laschy's helping Vika decorate her room

Name: Vika

Is Laschy here?

Name: *sigh*

I miss those fast times at Lake Krugyle

Name: Nadiafan

What are you saying, Richard? There was no need for that name-calling, now. I mean the guy is only trying to tell us the truth about his alledged stealing of other people's stuff, and all of a sudden you all go attacking over it!!! Can't he even state his opinion without everyone jumping down his throat!!??! I'm leaving this board! I've talked this over with my friends, and they all agree with me. I suppose you'll all be happy to see me leave.

Name: Richard Nixon

uh- Kris....

Name: Kris Albert Lee

"I am *not* a crook"

Name: Confucious, he say...

He who on Jim Elle not put tongue in wrong place! PU'ers read he on Wall!

Name: Pee Wee

No I not Kris Albert

Name: Dalita


Name: Another Gymn-L member

OK- lets talk about television announcers....

Name: Eaglefire ;)

Go take a Midol, Dalita!

Name: Dalita from Gymn-L

No!!!! I don't want to talk about why Roza was crying in Atlanta!

Name: Someone else from Gymn-L

Okay, Dalita, let's talk about why Roza was crying in Atlanta.

Name: Dalita from Gymn-L

No! Shut up, you idiot! No one wants to talk about gymnasts' middle names!

Name: Middle-name-guy from Gymn-L

Okay, Dalita, I'll start a new topic....let's talk about gymnasts' middle names.

Name: Dalita from Gymn-L

Why is Gymn-L so dead lately? Come on, let's talk!

Name: Lilia

I dunno Roza.
It worked for me!

Name: Lyapina, she say

Tis better to eat bird seed than fish food.

Name: Roza, she say

Tis better to go light brown to blonde than blonde to black.

Name: Kerri Strug, she say

It is better to have loved and lost than to have gone on the Gold Tour.

Name: Dina, Say


And Lyapina, GO CLEAN MY ROOM!!

Name: Confucious, he say

Tis better to have loved and lost than to have hit your head off a balance beam.

Name: Gypsy Rose Lee

You and I have a lot in common.
You dance for gold,
I danced for silver.

Name: John Tesh

Domi, you are a little girl dancing for gold.
And don't let any of these fools tell you otherwise.

Name: Domi

Am I a gymnast dreaming I am a little girl or a little girl dreaming I was a gymnast?

Name: Chuang Tzu say:

The best Domi is non-Domi.

Name: Domi

Lao Tsu, he say, the best action is non-action. Therefor, the best training is no training

Name: Confucious, He say...

He who laughs last laughs at Domo.

Name: Dominique Moceanu

Daddy! They're making fun of me again!

Name: Confucious, He Say...

If 'tis to be Domo that you wished...
To the loonie bin werth thou dished.

Name: Alexandra Marinescu

'tis better to be me.
DoMo still has a lot to learn.

Name: eagle

'tis better neither Domo, nor Domo's momo be....

Name: Confucious He Say...

Tis better to be a mother of Domo than to be a daughter of a mother of Domo.

Name: eagle

'tis better to be mother of domo, than to be mafiosi

Name: DoMo

Well, my daddy says I'm the Princess, so I must be Eaglefire's daughter!

Name: eaglefire

still Queen ;-)

Name: Webmasters united

Yessiree- we got tha powah!

Name: Webmaster of a really cool page

Look at the award I won.

Here it is

I'm glad all *MY* hard work was recoginzed.

Name: Rhonda

Yo Will - threats are very unbecoming


vell ve always knew you vere the blackball of the family


and for my next rendition-

Bye Bye Blackball


Blackball? isn't that what they did during the McCarthy era?


Would anyone care for a quick game of blackball?


So - they have Olomouc tape on Russian black market, no?


What's this?! *More* threats from the Russian and Ukranian Mafia?
....and *they* call *me* the criminal.

Name: Uwe

Oh, I am sorry. I ate the salad! I thought it was for me.

Name: Liapina

Oooh, Valya, Aren't you going to make potato salad for me???


Careful what you say around here- the walls have ears.

Name: Andreas Wecker

Hey, Billi! Are you jealous of her?? Hehehe.

Name: Uwe

Oh no! Do you still think of her? But she has already another guy!

Name: Belenki

Oh, Uwe, I know! But it was too bad that you threw all of Sveta's photo into dustbox!!!!

Name: Uwe Billerbeck

*Ahem* Belenki, Do you think who cleans up your room????

Name: Belenky

But Lyapina, you don't have to clean anybody's room to get food if you come to Germany.

Name: Dina

Belenki- QUIT IT!! I supply more than enough food for her and all she has to do is clean my room!! Lyapina, go now and clean my room!! NOW!!

Name: Belenki

Da, Lyapina! And....Oh, the kitchen in our gym is vacant now! I'll cook something for you!!!

Name: Lyapina

But Belenky, can they also prepare me some food.

Name: Wecker

Neeeee. This country sucks! Nobody let me drive Michael Schumacher's car!

Name: Adrian Catanoiu

Wheeee! Tare, Marius! Way to go! I was abandoned by D.S. so came there to heal my broken heart!

Name: Marius Toba

Valya is right! Germany is paradise!!! Romania avandoned me only because of my injury!!

Name: Belenki

Oooh, Don't worry Lyapina!! German citizenship will be prepared for you furthermore quickly than Romanian one!

Name: Roza

Don't do it, Lyapina....
You'll miss the Worlds because you'll be waiting for Romanian citizenship papers to come through....
I may be drunk, but I know what I'm talking about when it comes to citizenship papers....

Name: Simona, the Romanian Soup Nazi

Come to Deva Lyapina. There will always be soup for you.

Name: Lyapina

First I'm denied hamster food....now this thing with the soup....
The end is near....

Name: The Round Lake Soup Nazi

All right, since everybody trade soup for vodka, No soup for all of you.

Name: Dina

Now that I think about it, hamster food is too filling. NO!! NO, hamster food for you- you're going back to birdseed!!

Name: Lyapina

Oh!! Really, Dina?!? You mean I can have hamster's food now and not birdseed?? Oh, wow! Thank you!

Name: Dina

Now that that's said and done- Lyapina!! go clean my hamsters cage. Now!! or no hamster food for you!

Name: Dina

No one wants to hear about your stupid little relationship, Roza and Leo!!

Name: Roza

Uhhhh.... *blushes* Ummmm....uhhhh....of course not, Leo, er....I mean....

Name: Leo

Roza, is it true? Are you really seeing that doctor next week?

Name: Roza and Groshie

Arkayev speaks the truth!
Although we occasionally replace the bowl of soup with a bowl of hard liquor....

Name: Leonid Arkaev

Doctor! How dare you try to feed one of my gymnasts! And a whole turkey no less! They are allowed a bowl of soup and a piece of bread once a day, no more no less! Away with you!

Name: Doctor

Oh hi Roza and Groshie. I guess I'll be seeing you two next week.

Name: Dina

No! Ze turkey is for my pet dogs!
You must not know who I am, Doctor....I am a Round Lake girl, and nobody tells me what to do!
Come, Lyapina, let's go home; my room is a mess. You will clean it to make up for drinking Roza's vodka.

Name: Doctor

No, go home, young ladies, and feed zis girl a turkey.

Name: Dina

There's been a mistake, Doctor....
You see the place wiz all ze bones sticking up, no? Zat is her stomach.
Now, please, pump away. We have to get back to Round Lake before Leonin sends out a search party.

Name: Russian Doctor

I'm sorry, ma'am....we cannot pump her stomach....we cannot find her stomach.
What an amazing case! Never in all my years have I seen a girl wiz no stomach!
Go back to Round Lake, feed zis girl.
Bring her back when she has eaten a whole turkey.

Name: Dina

Lyapina!!! Don't you know you should never drink liquor unless you have eaten in the last 24 hours. Oh great, I have to call the paramedics and get your stomach pumped. Kuznetsova, you know the routine. call the ambulance, wait 9 hours in the hospital . Then we can go home.

Name: Lyapina

But Roza, I was so thirsty from cleaning up Dina's room and.. and...(feints)

Name: Roza Galieva

So you're the one who's been drinking all my liquor, Lyapina!
You little piglet! No wonder you're so fat!

Name: Lyapina

I drank it....

Name: Roza G

Ooooh why don't you ALL just shut up?!
This is too much for my migraines....oh, where's my vodka?
Dina, shut up and hand me my vodka.

Name: Kotchetkova

Sheremata, who told you to butt in?? Shuuuuuuut Uuuuup!!

Name: Sheremeta

Shut uuuuuuuuuup!!!!!!!! You are hurting my ears!!!!!!!!!

Name: USA

So you were saying "You so well... HEY! WHY DON'T YOU SHUT THE HELL UP nice?"

Name: USA

That's what we thought- it doesn't mean anything. Oh, Other Countries of the World! When will you stop the madness??

Name: The Countries of the World, Excluding the USA

It means....well...HEY! WHY DON'T YOU JUST SHUT-UP?!?

Name: USA

So, what does it mean?

Name: The Countries of the World, Excluding the USA

So, what if we can't spell the way *you* do?? Datmn is our own word!

Name: USA

Really, what does *datmn* mean?? Who the he11 can't spell??

Name: USA

Like, what does *datmn* mean?

Name: Jennifer Eisenbart

How dare someone other than myself have an opinion! Don't they know that I am the only one on gymn-l who is allowed to express an opinion?

Name: The Countries of the World, Excluding the USA

You, *&#^%$# Americans!! You're so, D@mn nice!! Sporting events aren't for fun, they're for killing!! Kill, Kill, Kill!!

Name: DomiHeads

No, No, No. It's not true. Domi is not retiring. She will be in Laussane. You'll see.

Name: USA

Oh my *godddd**?
Talking countries!
That is, like, soooooooo cool!

Name: The Countries of the World, Excluding the USA

Man! Can they do anything, right?? Cheering for their home team like that!! What a bunch of idiots. Don't they know the true way to be bad sports is to riot, curse, and throw things??

Name: Alexei Sayle

Oi! This werld isn't bigh enuff fer tiwo ev us!

It's no' even bigh enuff fer me!

Name: Aleksei Nemov

All my life, what am I?

Name: PU'ers with Eurosport

OI! PUers with ABC!


Name: Obnoxious member of Shelley's tape trading club

What - you don't want to trade with me?
Fine! I hope all your tapes burn! If I were you I'd copy tapes for anyone who asked because you have so many! You're so mean!

Name: Canadian gymn-l poster

Happy Victoria Day! (belated)
Oh, I'm sorry. This is an *American* based list so you guys don't care about a piece of foreign Canadian trash like me!

Name: Blake from Gymn-L

Happy Memorial Day!
(Oh, and BTW, Moceanu is great!)

Name: Natalya Sirenko

Why does my father pay more attention to Zelepukina?

Name: Moceanu_is_great

Hey, you foreigners suck. This is an american forum so we can talk about american holidays. So what if it is not about gymnastics.

Name: Attorney's association.

Mr. Jzcarr smith is the Attorney.
If there're 3000 attorneys in the world, he is the 3000rd.

Name: Jzcarr Smith

Who am I??

Name: clueless gymn-l poster

Lisa Moro will be floor exercise world champion. No, I have never seen her before, but I am just judging this by meaningless results.

Name: Dwight Normile

Excuse me, Ms. Southall... What you are opening is *MY* e-mail box.

Name: Mrs. Atler

See - my daughter is God's gift to gymnastics! Even newsweek says so! And no, we had *nothing* to do with that article!

Name: obnoxious poster at Skitch's

How dare you say anything bad about Vanessa or disagree with her mother! Don't you know she is god's gift to gymnastics?
Hey Vanessa and Nanette, move a bit closer, my lips can't reach your butts!

Name: Subscriber to Sports Illustrated


(staring at the cover)

"Hmmm, the New Mary Lou. Vanessa Atler aims for gold in Sydney." Haven't I seen this before

Name: NoName

Hey Susan, you shoud suit with Kxxu !!!!

Name: Person from list

...but I'll be back tomorrow with a different name.

Name: Person from list

I'm going to take my ball and go home.
So if someone says something asinine and you
wonder why I'm not saying something asinine in return, that's why.

Name: Ostapenko

Keep away from my Vika!!!!!

Name: Calfornia Medical center

Hello, Ms Southall, did you have AIDS test lately??

Name: Rustam

Is Ok Sergei; so long as you don't borrow condom to use for Susan.
Who knows what I might catch from it.

Name: Sergei, Rustam's coach.

WHoops, Rustam. I borrowed your bedroom for Susan!

Name: Laschenova

Oh Vika, my husband knows some people that could help you get rid of that annoying stalker.

Name: Ellen D.

Well Vika, I've found that these types are usually frigid, anyway. That's why they try to mount everything that moves.
The guys don't know that; silly fools; because their male egos make them want to believe that someone is really that hot for them all the time.
She can't fool me!

Susan needs to work on her dismount.

Name: Tourischeva

To All Coaches of National Team Members

Be on the look out for a deranged groupie posing as a reporter/photographer.

Name: Vika

I wonder if SS was trying to get an interview of me. She probably was too drunk to know that my favorite photographer already did a wonderful article on me. And that sequence wasn't bad.

Name: Milo

Well at least *my* stalker takes decent photos.
She makes neat websites, too.

Name: Redden

All aboard to ride the SS Amber!

Name: Vanessa and Shannon

we know just how you feel...

Name: Vika

Save me. This deranged groupie is harrassing me to the end.

Name: Rustam

Hey Susan, you were leaving condom in my bedroom!

Name: Dmitri Troush

Remind me to stay at home the next professional meet....

Name: Dimitri Troush

Cheeseburger getting a 10!!!! Hahaha. Stoi, Stoi, it's too much.

Name: Moceanu

What? Big hair makes you better at gymnastics?!?


Name: Lyssenko

That's right. It's because of the big hair that the beam obeys me. Bow down beam, worship me.

Name: Kim Z.

Tatiana- you mean if I had gotten a big hairdo before Barcelona I might have kept my balance better on Beam?

Name: Lyssenko

It's simple. You bought my video. How to get big hair. It's a best seller among many universities with a women's gymnastics program.

Name: Groshie

What the @#$% happened to MY hair?!?!?!

Name: Vesselina Guencheva

What the F**K happened to my hair??!?

Name: ABC

Oh, and of course we'll have our fluff piece on Dominique Moceanu. Even if she's not on the team, don't worry about it; we'll have a live satellite hook-up to her bedroom as she watches from home and gives her comments.

Name: ABC

One other thing....John Tesh, Tim Daggett, and Mary Lou Retton will be commentating for our coverage of Lausanne.

Name: ABC Sports

We'll be covering the Lausanne Worlds, too. Have a nice day.

Name: Sally Gymn Fan

That CBS pro comp. was better than this toothpick ABC coverage. Man! That's *pretty* bad.

Name: PU'ers

Damn You, ABC!! Damn You!!

Name: Vika Karpenko

Boycott ABC!

Name: Oksana Fab

Hey Roza and Groshy, wanna get rid of Peter Vidmar for me? He's naming my bar dismount after Amy Chow!

Name: Dina

Zhenya, ever wonder why you did not get to go to Sabae even though you finished in top 6 in trials(nevermind Sovetsky Sport. You were somewhere near the top 6). It wasn't because Arkayev hated you.

Name: Roschina

Hey Dina, if you want to be out of it for much longer, try some of the stuff I do.

Name: Dina

Woah, I've been out of it for a while. Thats what one shot of Vodka can do to you. Anyway, Katya Vandisheva, you were in 1993 World Championships. Remember, we both injured ourselves. My leg went the way of tim Dagget and your hand went the way of Lev ochkina.

Name: Natalya Laschenova

That's right my beloved husband. And I have an announcement to make. I shall make a comeback for the Belarussian Women's team. Then I will show the world my triple on floor.

Name: Nikolai Tikhonovich

Hello, I was once the bright hope for the Belarussian Men's gymnastics team. But then I supposedly *robbed* Scherbo's apartment. Since when is driving the get away car grounds for putting someone in jail. Now, I am back to make up for lost time. I wil l be the leader of the Belarussian Team in the future. Isn't that right Natalya?

Name: IG editor

Hey, our chef-editor. What did you ask Susan Southall to do in Atlanta?
You asked her to REPORT THE OLYMPICS, not to do sex with ukrainians, didn't you?

Name: Paul Ziert

Welcome to the Chippendales...I mean Gold Tour.

Name: Dunev

I've been vaiting to be discover for tventy year now.
Whot a country!
I loove Ameeriika!

Name: Europe's leading munitions manufacturer

Well, we'll figure out it's someone from this board.

Name: moceanu_sucks

Will I get discovered too?

Name: Will Bender

We've all been found out!


Name: Rhonda Anonadonda

So who's Will Bender?

Name: The leading munitions manufacturer in Europe

My identity has been discovered.

Name: Kulikowski

Stick a sock in it Van- er, I mean Nanette.

Name: Nanette

My God! How dare you say that any US gymnast is better than *my* daughter! She is god's gift to gymnastics and don't you deny it! She for sure is gonna embarrass the FIG by winning nationals this year, yes siree!
No one is better than *my* daughter!

Name: Vika Karpenko

Exuse me Ms Southall, but I don't recall icing my heel while denying any pain at the press conference at the Europeans last year.
I could write for IG better than you and I can't even speak English!

Name: Editor of the Oxford dictionary

Susan Southall, a sport cannot be, as you put it, "aloof."
Learn to write please!

Name: Batyrchina's Pine Cone

Where did Susan Southall get the quotes from this time?

Name: Dominique Moceanu

Why watch her body surf when you can watch me wiggle my butt?

Name: Vera Kolesnikova

Does anybody wanna see me body surf.

Name: Maria

Hey, I don't have didly squat for gym videos... but GO CHECK OUT DANAFAN'S!!! What a FAB list he has! Forget me though, I'm just a gym tape broker...

Name: Sergei Kharkov

Hey, you will use me for Lausannne, won't you?

Name: Dieter Hoffman

Oh, why none of you ask me to come back in Germany? I can lead the team to the 2nd as I did in Seoul and Stuttgart!!!!

Name: S. Tippelt

I ALREADY did comeback in Barcelona! We should ask Eberhart!!!

Name: H. Behrendt

Oh, Sylvio.... Are you going to perform commentating your own skill??? It's very ridiculous.

Name: s. kroll

Hey, Sven. Hey, Holger! Let's have an emergency meeting! And choose who of us come back to compete in Lausanne!!

Name: Amber

Kelly.....I hate to tell you this, but even *I*, Satan on Earth, have too much class to take up for you!

Name: Kelly from SM Board

You guys are all soooo mean! Just because I brag about saying I have the highest IQ in the world, call myself a princess, post complaints about everything, and send hate mail to other gymnasts besides Americans....that gives you no right to think you're a better gymnastics fan or have a better personality than me! If Amber were here, she would defend me!

Name: Obnoxious person from Shelley Nash's trading board

Hi, I don't have what you are looking for but I am interested in the 1991 HUN int'l, 1987 Moscow News, 1983 Europeans, and 1986 Jr Europeans. What? You mean you wont' copy them for me? Well gee - I was just checking to see if you were nice person or no t, I guess you aren't!

Name: fangymnast

You guys are really mean. Can't you just give me one tape even though you are getting nothing from me. What NO!!!!! Just for that I'm going to report you to AOL.

Name: fangymnast

Why won't you guys trade with me. My list is huge. I even have the 1990 European Cup. What??? There wasn't a european Cup in 1990.

Name: Kelly from Shannon board

Hye! My nayme is Kelly, and I am sew smartt. I has a iq of 154. Isn't that just grate?

Name: Steve R.

I personally want to embarass the USAG and FIG for this silly age rule.

Name: Nanette

Whatever! Everyone knows that without *my* daughter the USWorld team is screwed!! Kulikowski, Arnold, Powell, Phelps, Thompson, Kachura, Teft, Pinkens, Maloney, and Shrieves- who are they?? They're nothing without my Nessa. Hahahaha!!

Name: Isabelle Severino

I have no idea why I posed for that picture of me.... Perhaps it was that strange liquid they gave to me to drink before the shoot!

Name: Roza and Elena

No, no, no, Gina! You don't want any of that hot cappucino. Have some of this cool booze. Fresh from the liquor store on the corner.

Name: Simona

Here, have some of my cappuchino.

Name: Gina Gogean

Yow!!!!! Quick, somebody give me something to drink!!!! These wings are hot!!!

Name: Mayor Anthony Masielo

To the Romanian gymnastics team. A gift from our city. Here is a bucket of suicide chicken wings.

Name: Simona

I think I tried a cappucino called Podovich once....

Name: Elena

Vats that?
Is it like marihuana sendvich or somethink?
Maybe frog-leg sendvich?

Name: Rodney Dangerfield

Lillia, kid, I know just how you feel.
I don't get no respect around here either.

Name: Domi M

Lilliput, don't worry! We remember you.
Afterall, you were an honorary member of the GAG7 on the Hancock Tour!
That *is* what they call you, right?

Name: Lilly Podovich

Hasn't anyone heard of me? I was in the 94 Goodwill Games from Team Eisenpatriot.

Name: Team France

We have great dance and choreography, our routines are creative with no difficulty spared, we rule!

Name: Laetitia Begue

My gymnastics spirit will go to Soler or Souliť, I haven't decided yet...

Name: Isabelle Severino

I'll be going to the 2000 Summer Games as well... for Pole Vaulting! Don't worry ladies, I'll be there cheering you on!

Name: Ludivine Furnon

Of course I'm coming! I plan on winning the gold on floor! Double layout punch front? Just watch me!

Name: Elvire Teza

I'm back on track after being one of few Non-Americans to win the American Cup! Once I get used to my growth spurt, clean up my form, and strengthen my legs I'll be a medal worthy gymnast! Now I plan on going to Sydney to lead France to a top 3 finish!

Don't think you're not coming Ludivine!

Name: Milo and Simona

Why not just make entire Romanian-Hater Club? I believe we're all better than Miller. Russian and Chinese-Hater Clubs too, while you're at it.

Name: Gina G

And a Gogean-Hater Club, too. Don't forget I won silver in AA in 96. Shannon didn't medal; therefore, I beat her.

Name: Lilia Podkapeyava

I guess that would mean you need to make Pod-Hater Club also, no?

Name: Shannon Board person

Hi! Would you like to become a member of my Gutsu-Haters Club? Of course I started this club because Tatiana Gutsu beat Shannon in Olympic All-Around. And everyone knows Shannon should have won.

Name: Bela

Keemie ees dead? Tell me eet eesn't true!

Name: Kelly

Hi, this is Kelly from the "Dominique Moceanu is the Greatest Human Being Alive" Board. Anyways, I am looking to trade video of Domonique, I'm looking for stuff on TV before '96 olympic trials, I have some '94 and '95 gymnastics, some '95 nationals and i nternationals and some goodwill games '94 of a really young Jennie Thompson and Lilly Podovich?? not sure how to spell it. anyway please e-mail me

Name: Lee Steinberg

Krissy, baby! Don't whine. I'll get you the stardom you deserve. Look what I did for Kerri Strug...

Name: Kristen Maloney

I will be 1997 USA national champion! Even Vanessa Atler thinks so! Why do I get no respecet - and no NBC fluff piece!

Name: Kathleen Kern

*sigh* I wanted Frau Berger to award gold medal of Lausanne world to Me with her own hands. No matter what I think of her, she would be very happy........

Name: Vika K

I told you I was training a whip into my arabian double front to punch front.

Name: Milo

Hey Vika! I saw your room.
Tell your photographer that her work should be in IG....

Whoever took that shot of me at the Gold Tour in the January issue should be shot themselves!

Name: Mo Huilan

Here do you want the Chinese phonebook to help you get onto the podium.

Name: Vika Karpenko

I hope nobody thinks they can beat me. I mean whip through to arabian double to punch front, double twisting front to piked front, 1 1/2 twist through to double pike and full-in in my floor routine? NOt to mention bars and beam routines that will easily start from a 10.0 with slight alterations for the new code.
I'll see you in Lausanne - during women's AA awards I'll be standing on the top of the podium.

Name: Dorthe Thuemmler

Daggi! You surely believe me!!! I never do drugs, too! But that crazy Japs write abour me as if I was using drugs!!!!!!

Name: Damar Kerstsen

I believe you Maja. You don't do drugs. But then again, you don't do releases either.

Name: Jennifer Eisenbart

Oh - you mean you weren't talking about the 1984 Olympics? Oh - - sorry.

Name: Jennifer Eisenbart

1984 Alternate Games? Sure, my library has a tape of that - no problem!

Name: A frequent visitor to the Post Office

Oh yes, please email me(you know who is writting this)

Name: Adriana Popa

The world will thank you for it!

Name: A *real* gym fan

Hey, what if we all faithfully stick knives into our Geza Poszar voodoo dolls?

Name: USPS Employee to PU Member

Would you like our frequent buyer card? Send 10 packages and get your 11th free!

Name: CNN reporter

...and on the Voodoo Doll there attached a photograph of old lady with white front hair.
The authorities are searching the relation of this lady and Bela Karoly.

Name: Liliya Podkopayeva

Irina - don't you remember? You had a bad back and had to retire before the Atlanta Olympics. We missed you :-(

Name: CNN Reporter

A contraband, half-eaten Mars bar was found under the bed of Russian Olympic gymnast Oksana Lyapina. No word on the retribution yet.

Name: Aleksandra Sorokina

Me too!

Name: Irina Bulakhova

Hi, can anyone please tell me whatever became of me?

Name: CNN News

....A Voodoo Doll was found on the house of American gymnastic coach, Bela Karoly......

Name: Arkayev

Yuri!!!!! Why did you let Elena D. tape the competitors in American Cup!!!! You knew she hit her head when she fell on her def. Now that tape is giving little Ekaterina Lobanyuk nightmares.

Name: Brevet Judge

Ok, here it is...
"The Gogean: kneeling one-fingered salute with right hand followed by an immediate kneeling-one-fingered salute with left hand...rated an 'F'"

Name: brevet judge

How many bonus points is the one finger salute? I can't find it in the COP!

Name: Gina

hehe! yeah i *was* giving the Americans the ole' one-finger salute in my FX...
wait'll they see what I have planned for them in Lausanne!

Name: Oleg

No worries Vika! It was only a bad, bad, bad dream. Go finish your nap and enjoy your Dudnik dreams.

Name: Vika

Oleg Oleg I've had this horrible nightmare that you brought me to Texas and made me train with this hideous thing called a Moceanu! What a nightmare!

Name: Oleg Ostapenko

Hahahaha! No way - my Vika is used to training with strong, talented gymnasts. I would never subject her to the torture of training with the likes of you!

Name: Dominique Moceanu

You can bring Vika with you and we can train together!

Name: Oleg Ostapenko

And leave my Vika behind? No way!

Name: Dominique Moceanu

Hey Oleg,I need a coach. Want to move to Texas?

Name: Oleg Ostapenko

Fired? You sure are out of the loop in Virgina Tanya... I quit. I've got Vika to train full time.

Name: Kristi Lichy and Kathleen Shrieves

University of Georgia Coach Suzanne Yoculan is going to send us to the Olympic games in 2000 - just wait!

Name: Tanya Perskaya

Hah - you were just the man in the background for Liliya's career! And you were fired from the UKR national coaching job Oleg, what does that tell you!

Name: Vika K.

Double layout, full-in, and triple full! It sounds like the tumbling of every 14 year old from Deva. Tricks don't equal style, trust me I have both.

Name: Ostapenko

Shame on your Perskaya! Did you forget I, along with Lossinskaya, coached World, European, and Olympic AA Champion Liliya Podkopayeva!

And Tatiana, maybe you have gotten to Ms. Kachura too late? After all, someone else taught her her basics and thus, she has none!

Name: Katrin Krabbe

Maja, give it up! Two of my teammates and I were found to have the identical urine, so you can bet we wasn't let on the GDR team!

Name: Ecaterina Szabo

And I!

Name: Mo Huilan

So have I, so have I.....

Name: Dominique Dawes

Ludmilla, I've been there, I've been there....

Name: Ludmilla Stovbchataya

I've fallen - and I can't get up!

Name: Maja Hristova

Could I tumble or could I tumble? Double layout, 2 whips immdiate double tuck and full-in on floor in 1991. Great double layout off bars (of course release moves were optional for me).
P.S. That's not my urine.

Name: Tanya Perskaya

Viktoria, your coach Oleg Ostapenko is just jealous that he never coached a world AA champion like I did and you're allowing him to influence you and make you think my gymnast, Gail Kachura, is no good. I know enough to keep Pozar away from her, I can as sure you.....

Name: Gail Kachura

Vika, darling, I have loads of respect for your talent. Okay, so my choreography in 1995 wasn't spellbounding (but neither was yours!) But did you see my double layout, full-in, and triple twist? I sure can tumble! I'll give you a run for your money in Lausanne!

Name: Ugandan Gymnastics Federation

Betty, what makes you think we want you?

Name: Alla Misnik

According to the IG profiles I am from Kharkov, Ukraine....

Name: Betty Okino

I'm coming out of retirement and I hope to compete for Uganda in Sydney.

Name: Yurkinas

Are we babes or what...

Name: Mohini

PLEASE guys I'm desperate... It's been at least an hour since I last did any and I'm already going in to withdrawals...

Name: Natalya Bobrova

Hey, did I retire. I thought I was going to continue : (. Oh well. Hopefully I can grow and have a modeling career. With that in mind, hey ROschina, giv me the number to your dealer.

Name: Yevgenia Roshchina

Well, I could give you my supplier from home...

Name: Kristie Phillips

Hell no Mohini get your own... [vomits in bushes]

Name: Mohini

Anyone have any extra heroine laying around... I need a quick fix... Kristie Phillips, can I borrow from your stash?

Name: Vika Karpenko

what's this raving over Gail Kachura? I've seen her floor from video of 1995 US vs Ukraine... YUK! I was green for days! Ostapenko cover my eyes and say "I was not going to each you about Poszar until you were old enough to stomach it. Sorry Vika bab y."

Name: Mohini

Hey guys I need a line really bad... too bad I broke my nose on a Gienger because I was stoned out my mind....

Alexandrov pass the vodka...

Name: V_Jani

Aurelia Dobre she is the best, she is very nice !!!!!

Name: Kristy Powell

Hey! Aren't I a contender for the world team??

Name: Kristin Maloney, Gail Kachura, Katie Teft, Mohini Bhardwaj, Theresa Kulikowski, Jennie Thompson, Mary Beth Arnold, Jaycie Phelps

Um, Jamie and Vanessa, how many times do we have to tell you: don't assume you're better than all of us! We are old enough for the worlds and we are all just as good as you so there! We're gonna kick your butt at nationals!

Name: Kim Gwang Suk

13 huh. Well I was a world champion at age 8 so there!!!

Name: Vanessa and Jamie

No Fair. we can be world champions now.

Name: Valentin Mogilny

You were 13 in 1981 and so you are only 3 years younger than me. Oh phew. I thought it was even more

Name: Olga Bicherova

Haha Kim. I was already a World Champion at 13!!!

Name: Kim Kwang Suk

Idle chatter, you two! *I* will be the AA Olympic champion in 2004. And finally, really age-eligible.

Name: Joelle Ouellette

What about me? One of my coaches is 1991 world floor champion Cristina Bontas.

Name: Danielle Hicks

I will be the first Canadian Olympic Gymnastics champion in 2004. My coach is 1980 Olympic Champion Elena Davydova.

Name: Maria Olaru

I am the Kolesnikova heir apparent. I twist just as beautifully.

Name: Dominique M

Ok- so the American girls won't talk to me....
maybe if I do a floor routine to Romanian music I can get the *Romanian* girls to talk to me....
Hey! they're shaking they're heads! I bet they're saying
"Wow, she's so good we can't believe her parents are from the same country as....

Name: The Gymnast formerly Known as Prince

Hey, guess what? I finally got married! Oh, and does anyone know what happened to me?

Name: Lyssenko

Um, Oleg, did you really coach Stoby? I think her coach was named Petrenko. You coached Kalinina and Abrashitova.

Name: Latvian gymnastics federation

Our layouts on beam are the highest. Anybody want to make a bet one of our gymnasts are training standing double backs on beam.

Name: Aleksei Bondarenko

Not really. I can do rings and I am just as good-looking.

Name: Aleksei Nemov

Hey, does anyone care that I'm injured? And what ever happened to that offer from Playgirl???

Name: Alex Zanardi

Too bad Lola went bankrupt Andy! You may have landed a spot there!

Name: A.W.

Does somebody know the phone number of Michael Schumacher? I need it now otherwise I'll be jobless!!!

Name: Onodi

Please send me the drinking water in Latvia. It may taste horrible but look at their amplitude.

Name: Bruno Grandi

As the new FIG president it is my pleasure to correct some of the worst judged meets in the history of the sport.
I here-by declare Ecaterina Szabo the 1984 Olympic AA Champion, Natalia Laschenova the 1989 world AA champion, Svetlana Boguinskaya the 1991 world AA champion, Lavinia Milosovici the 1992 Olympic AA champion, and Dina Kochetkova the 1994 World AA champion . Rest assured, none of the judges who judged these meets will be invited back.....

Name: Rodney dangerfield

Oleg, I know what you're saying. Nobody don't ever give me respect, either!

Name: Oleg Ostapenko

Why I get no respect? I coached Aleftina Priakhina would could throw every trick in the book as well as Tatiana Lisenko and Lyudmilla Stovbchataya. Now I am coaching Viktoriya Karpenko, arguably the best in the world right now. I should be the most wel l known coach in the world, not Bela Karolyi.

Name: Baitova

Yes, Oleg. I can't believe you coached Alena as well. I know you have coached better gymnasts than her.

Name: Oleg Melschenko

I coach Polozkova? At leat I realized by the time sveta was 17, that she was above cutesy. BTW, I swear on my honor that I had nothing to do with the circus routine of 1987-88. It was the buerocrats decision!!!!

Name: Dominique Moceanu

What's a choreographer? Is he that Romanian guy who shows me how to wiggle my butt? If so, then I don't need one, sorry Yulia.

Name: Yulia Yurkina

Hi - now that I've retired from competition I am in search of a job. Does anyone need a gymnastics choreographer? I've wanted to be one for a long time.

Name: Lyapina

Um, Evgenia. Even if you layed off the joints, you still need a bars dismount.

Name: Roschina

Hey, I just realized that if I had just layed off the speed, I could have made Atlanta.

Name: Bela again

Than again, Amber, it would not do you so much harm not to eat for a few....months. You look like a whole battalion of tanks yourself! Let's just say that if you had a 900-day siege of your trailer park and you couldn't eat all that time, you'd be just fi ne.

Name: Bela

I have an idea who stole it, Amber. I'll give you a hint - cow. - She's such a pig.

Name: Mary Beth Arnold, Theresa Kulikowski

Get real, Dominique.

Name: Dominique Moceanu

Hah - I still am the star of US gymnastics! You heard NBC! I led the way for the US team in Cincinatti! I'm still the bestest!

Name: Amber

OK, who stole my snicker bars and doritos? I know it's somebody around here. I've got ways of finding things out. And when I do, I'll hunt you down...Ooops, there goes that rage inside of me again.

Name: Bela Karolyi

Vau do you mean, all of a sudden??!! Kimbo, I liked you very much when you were good, but you always looked like a pregnant pumpkin! Or was it a tank? Whatever, you were always big, and now you could feed a family of four for many months! Get real!

Name: Zmescow

Why do I feel so fat all of a sudden......

Name: Oksana Lyapina

Ooops, I meant to say under 69 lbs.! I'll only be 79 if I were 5 months pregnant!

Name: Oksana Lyapina

Guys, look at me! I'm 17 and weigh under 79 lbs.!!! If you don't start feeding me soon, I'm going to have to do what those people did in the movie "Alive"! I want to stay alive, OK!

Name: Another one

And why you need to begging foods, Dina? You got chocolate which is very unavailable in Russia.

Name: somebody

Hey, why Dina begging for food on TV when she can take it always from Liapina!?

Name: Elena Dolgopolova

Psst, Liapina, I brought something back from you from Texas. Here, have some snickers. And while you're at it, have some Doritos. Quick, I think Dina is coming.

Name: Jim Kelly and Mo Huilan

Yea, that's right! At least you got a bit of gold! What the hell do we have? Just shattered dreams and battered knees!

Name: Marv Levy

I know how you feel Lavinia. We went to the super bowl four times and lost every single time. At least you have some gold medals from worlds.

Name: Lavinia

Wow, these suicide chicken wings work just as well as Simona's eggs. I'll see if I can smuggle some back to Romania for Gina.

Name: Eisenfart

excuse me Mr. Professor. But my work has received praises from many people. My kindgergarten teacher said my Olympic preview is almost as good as the 3 little bears story I wrote for her. So there.

Name: Sven Tippelt

Then I take non-smoker's seat!

Name: Dina Kochetkova

Hey, Lena and Roza! You guys shouldn't be smoking! Here, have some stuff I stashed from Atlanta - it's red Twizzlers!

Name: Eisenfart's Journalism Professor

What's this? This Eisenfart's piece is just the biggest piece of crap I've ever seen. Not only is it gibberish and does she need Hooked on Phonics, but I've seen less propagandic stuff from Stalin. I give this a grade of "F-".

Name: Roza and Grosheva

Where's ours, too? We want our smokes!

Name: Vitaly Scherbo

Where's my Marbolo??

Name: Jennifer Eisenbart

Well, as a journalism major, I have decided to branch out into full length books. My first will be called "How to be a blind patriot: from a gymnastics perspective." Of course included will be an appendix of every meaningless piece of garbage I ever po sted to gymn-l. And of course there will be an index of the greatest skills ever done, including Kim Zmeskal's arched - I mean layout - Yurchenko-full (don't even try to compare her to Laschenova - she didn't win a world AA title!) and of course skills l ike Betty Okino's "Okino" bars dismount. Surely worthy of the D rating, yes siree!
OF course the crowd in the Georgia Dome was just super during the Olympics - that was the best part wasn't it? Why should the Russian, Ukrainian and and Romanian girls get to hear their floor music? Who needs that!
The US gymnast are simply the greatest athletes ever to exist in this sport ever. No one can dispute me since I am a journalism major!

Name: Andreas Wecker

I go out and smoke with Yuri.

Name: Casimiro Suarez

Hey, I'm 50 something but I can still do a def. Wanna see me compete in my eighth world championships.

Name: Laveeenya

I help you get even weeth Roza for sending floor museek to Belu. I steell have score to settle weeth her for feexing Bogi up weeth Bilenky.
Bogi want revenge on Roza now too. Simona- you make Bogi's Secret Borscht recipe- calls for 3 pots of strong cappuchino. When I eenvite Roza to deener night before competeetion,
she weell need dreenk gallon of vodka to calm nerves. Dina no dring vodka so secret borscht make heer neervous and over-rotate....

Name: John Tesh

...The gymnastics world was puzzled and suprised today when it was announced that the Romanian National Team has gone on strike for the second time in three years.
Team leader and spokesman,Gina Gogean, speaking thru an interpreter for the dead, told NBC that the dispute occurred when Head Coach Octavian Belu insisted that the girls' floor music for Lausanne consist of peices from
the "101 Strings Tribute to Big E Small".....

Name: Gina

NO Octavian!! THIS is where I draw the line!!

Name: Belu

....(reading card over open package)
"Geneerous donation from anonymous Uzbeki beneefactor...geerls weell be very happy for new floor mewsic! and now we have money left over for fax machine paper"....

Name: Roza

Dina! Lena! come into record store vith me. I show how to get even vith Romanians; I come out of retirement because of score to settle vith tramp Gina.
She cut between Yuri and I in conga line at Birmingham party; now she has Chechi and I am stuck vith Leonid....

Name: Matsunaga

Nooooo! I miss Japanese pops.....

Name: Lavinia

Ugh! I weesh I use Gold Tour money to buy new CD player and set of Roxette albums for Deva.
If Octavian had only let me use UB40 I would have stayed.....

Name: Simona

See- I even play nice deener music for you on 8-track. (That's the only audio equipment we have at Deva).
We have album collection here- I put deez on for you. Meelo use it in Brisbane.....

Name: Simona

But Dina, Roza, Lena! My eggs are like secret Romanian Rocket Fuel! Eat my eggs and jump high like Romanian do.

Name: Deutscher Turner Bund

OK, Mr. Matsunaga. We'll put auto vending Machine in the clubhouse! We also promise to have Japanese lunch menu in Cafeteria of the Sportclub......

Name: Jan-Peter Nikiferow

Stop, Wecki! I was already FORCED to see the video for 36 times!!!

Name: Andreas Wecker

Hi, all! Do you wanna see a video? This is really a masterpiece. My daughter Natalie taking a nap. .....Oh! look!!! Now she rolled over!! Really cute, huh??

Name: Masayuki Matsunaga

Oh... Exkyuzu me. Hwear iz Vvending Machine?

Name: Viktoria Karpenko

Hey - I told you I was going to win worlds. I just won the Hungarian International, equalling Khorkina's AA score from her nationals. Did I mention my 9.75 on beam? Or my 9.475 on vault - not bad since the vaults I competed last year are only worth 9.5 and 9.6 now - I guess I've upgraded then. Look out world!

Name: Dina, Roza, Lena G.

Uh, no Simona. We'd rather jump off a bridge.
Anything except your eggs, please!!!

Name: Simona Amanar

Dina, Roza, Lena, do not drink that vodka! It is not good for you, especially as gymnasts! Please have some of my delicious eggs instead!

Name: Dina

Hey, why don't you give out any freebies? What about free samplings of vodka?

Name: A Webmaster

Dina, Roza, Lena G!! I just put up a new site! Come visit at www.vodka.com!!!!

Name: Leo

Roza, what's this I hear about other men? If you're receiving gifts from other men, maybe you should retire.

Name: Ksenia Bogdanova

Oh please don't let the Irina Baraksanova curse affect me. I have so much potential.

Name: Alexei Nemov

Hey, I don't mind displaying my body Mitch. I *am* going to be in every issue of Playgirl this year! All Alexei all the time!!

Name: Irina Razumovskaya

But I still like this penguin smock Roza give to me, no matter where I coach!

Name: Irina Razumovskaya

Ahem, I was not coaching the Russian girls in 1994 Chunichi. By then, Viktor and I had already settled and coached in Japan. It just so happens the girls still like us alot better than Leo.

Name: Jackie Fie

On behalf of the FIG technical committee, I hereby re-name the "Ugly gymnastics clause" as the "Mary Lou Rotten Clause." I'm hoping this will become USAG policy to, such that me may keep Moceanu off the Lausanne team.

Name: Kathleen Stark-Kern

In Lausanne I shall be the oldest women's medallist since Davyodova - and I will be one year older than she was in 1981, so there! My bars rule!

Name: Ivan Ivankov

I shall sweep Cottbus as warm-up for Lausanne worlds. I am back!

Name: Russian Women's Coach at 1994 Chunichi

You like my penguin smock? Roza give to me. She say some funny american guy send to her.

Name: FRA Women's Team

Milo? Who's that?
Bob Fosse is *our* gymnastics idol!
Sveta B! We are coming to join you in chorus line!

Name: Roza

It time to beat you up once more like I done at Cottbuss!

Name: Dina

Hehe. Wood alcohol. You should have stayed in retirement...

Name: Roza

Ack!!! Dina, you fool, this isn't vodka! Gack!! My throat is burning and I'm going blind...what have you done?!?

Name: Mitch Gaylord

Uh, Nemov, a bit of advice: watch it! And choose your scripts with care so you don't end up in porno flicks, okay? Everyone told me I was gonna be this huge star after LA, but here I am in "American Gigolo" and "Babes of Spring." You can do better.

Name: Aleksei Nemov

Kraisimir Tsvetanovich, you are just full of it. *I* will be the next film superstar and Russia's answer to Jackie Chan!

Name: Aleksei Voropayev to Don Corleone

Hey Mr. Corleone - how do I join your group? Will tumble or whack people for food... or BMW.

Name: Yekaterina Sereboringskaya

Hey Lyapina! Stop listening to those guys! If you grow two feet, you can decide to become rhythmic gymnast instead. You have the *perfect* body for it!

Name: Mr. and Mrs. Roshchina

Zhenka! My God, please tell us who your dealer is!

Name: Dennis Rodman

Hey Roza and Dina - stop copying my act! Don't you realize that as the NBA's deisgnated clown I can go around in green, blue, purple and orange hair, but that it look really ugly on your guys? Go easy, man!

Name: Svetlana Ivanova Todorova

I am the human lava-lite. Worship me, Svetlana T.

Name: Dina Kotchetkova

Lyapina, you know cheese is my dogs' very favorite food!
How about some fish food instead?

Name: Lyapina

(to the tune of "All I Want For Christmas is My Two Front Teeth")

All I want for Christmas is a piece of cheese...

Name: Lyapina

Forget the sun! Food! Send us food!

Name: Gina Gogean

Hey....I'm not pale....

Name: Romanian and Russian Women's Gymnastics Team

Could someone please send some sun to our country?? We're a bit pale...

Name: Svetlana Ivanova Todorova

Hi -it's me again. Apparently, even though the gymnastics world did not deserve me, I did in fact win the Golden Sands Int'l meet in 1994. Does anyone have a tape of this? I'd love to see it for myself!

Name: Sveta

Dina!!!! I'll just take some of that hair dye, thank you very much.

Name: Dina

Guess who??

Name: Sveta Khorkina

Hey! Who stole my hairspray ???!

Name: Roza and Groshie

Hey Sveta, while your at it, can you cough up your lungs too. Thanks.

Name: Chusovitina

Well, I might be too small, at least, for 3-meter-tall girl like you, Kathleen!

Name: Kathleen Kern

Chussi, (Oh, it means "bye" in our language!) I doubt if you are really as old as I. You are too small......

Name: Roza and Groshie

No way Grisha, we get first dibs on it.

Name: Grigory Misutin

Hey Svetlana, care to donate me your liver.

Name: Roza and Groshie

Poor Svetlana! We understand. It's such a sick feeling. But, it'll pass.

Name: Simona

No, dear, I think that's your pancreas. Or maybe your spleen...
It's hard to tell from this angle.

Name: Baitova

Oh great....I think I just threw up my liver.

Name: Simona Amanar

Here, Sveta, just one more bite....
I swear, if you don't stop throwing these eggs up, you'll never get well!
Come on, one more big bite.

Name: Baitova

Simona, stop feeding me those darn eggs before I throw up some vital organ!

Name: Simona Amanar

Ohhhh Svetlana, are you feeling sick?
You should have some of my Miracle-Eggs. And maybe a small cappuccino.
Yes, that should work very nicely.
Now, come on, open wide and take a bite of these yummy eggs.
Hey....why are you throwing up again, Svetlana?

Name: Simona Amanar

Ohhhh Svetlana, are you feeling sick?
You should have some of my Miracle-Eggs. And maybe a small cappuccino.
Yes, that should work very nicely.
Now, come on, open wide and take a bite of these yummy eggs.
Hey....why are you throwing up again, Svetlana?

Name: Simona

Svetlana, are you feeling sick? You should have some of my Miracle-Eggs. And maybe a small cappuccino. Yes, that will fix you right up. Come on....open wide. Hey...why are you throwing up again?

Name: Baitova

Oh, yeah, DoMo...that's it. *throws up in the nearest garbage can*

Name: Moceanu

Real funny, Svetlana. I think you're just jealous of the way I interpret a piece of floor music!

Name: Svetlana Baitova

Anybody want to make a bet that I could stick my landings better than Moceanu even if I had a broken leg.

Name: Dominique Moceanu

Nahhh...they'd rather see me do a bow-legged, flex-foot layout, Chusovitina. Get over it.

Name: Chusovitina

I shall challenge Kathleeen Kern for energizer bunny award. I will also compete till I am 30. Anybody wanna see me do a triple back on floor.

Name: Irina Ewdokimova

Hey - why didn't I get to compete at the Olympics?? I know my country only qualified one gymnast, but I have a skill named after me (front layout vault) and I made AA finals at the world championships and was a medallist at the Asian Games. Instead they s end Olga Kozevnikova - she is so young and scared and she fell three times in Atlanta and dropped out of sight in the AA - I would have made AA finals! Damn my federation!
I shall persevere - I still make finals at the Moscow Stars meet. I shall make it to Sydeny at the ripe old age of 22 - I'll show them!

Name: another unknown Soviet gymnast

Who am I? I competed in 1988 USSR Jrs. and look like Baitova's younger sister. I have blonde hair, bangs that almost cover my eyes, and similar choreography on floor.

Name: Roza

yeah, hmm huh huh huh

Name: Groshie

Yeah hmm huh huh huh
Now we don't remember anything
huh huh huh huh huh.

Name: Roza

Hey groshie huh huh
Wasn't it cool huh huh huh
When we got drunk he

Name: Amber

yes April. we should all listen to April. She really is friends with Domi. Like I am best friends with Shannon Miller.

Name: April

Who is this impostor! Everyone knows Dom's mail is domimail@hotmail.com!

Name: Dominique Moceanu

Hi everyone for all my fans that want to email me: Wherearemytoes@whatisform_buttwiggling.com

Lyapina, isn't your email address toothpick@birdseed_feedmedina.com ??

Name: Ksyusha Lyapina

Arkaev, you must feed me - how else can I recover from my surgery??

Name: Krasimir Dunev

In your dreams Cheeseburger! I don't see Playgirl knocking down your door!

Name: John Roethlisberger

Not only am I the best male gymnast in the world, I am also the most photogenic. Come on, I beat out Dunev.

Name: Sveta Khorkina and the gang

Hahahahaha! There you go again Domi! You crack us up!

Name: Dominique Moceanu

I wasn't joking! Why are you guys always laughing at me?

Name: Sveta Khorkina, Viktoria Karpenko, Mo Huilan, Yulia Korostilolva, Simona Amanar, Gail Kachura, Theresa Kulikowski, Liliya Podkopayeva, Dina Kocehtkova

Hahahahaha! That was a funny joke Dominique - tell us another!

Name: Dominique Moceanu

I will be the 1997 World AA Champion in Lausanne!

Name: Mr. Moceanu

Don't worry Domi! I've got a couple of ideas for the right coach to perfect your talents. I've got a call in to Betty Okino and Kim Zmeskal. I'm sure 1 of them are available.

Name: Mr. Moceanu

I never permitted you to do such a thing. Don't worry my little Domi, that bad man will do no more of those things to you. Now Artemov get out.

Name: Vladimir Artemov

Um, I'm teaching her how to keep her legs straight.

Name: Mr. Moceanu

Artemov, what are you doing to Domi's leg?

Name: Vladimir Artemov

Okay fine. I'll see what I can do for your Domi

Name: Mr. Moceanu

Come on Mr. Artemov. Come work at our gym.

Name: Mr. Moceanu

But Nique, didn't you have Bela before?
Pick a different one.

Name: Dominique Moceanu

Eenie Meenie Minie Moh...

I'll have.... That one!

Name: Simona Amanar

Linda, I hear that you Supermodels are really into stuff that makes you kinda hyper as well. Is that true?? Is it?? Is it?? If it is I could I bumm some off of you?? Could I?? Could I??

Name: Linda Evagilista

Don't worry, Supermodels don't eat anyways. Well, we do, but it somehow comes back to us...

Name: Dina

No, Linda!! Don't give her anything! Liapana, it's back to slave work for you!!

Name: Liapana

Umm, Linda before you go could you spare some food, please??

Name: Russian Women's Gymnastics Team

We are Linda!! Go back to NY and while your at it stop coppying us!!

Name: Linda Evagilista

What do you mean I'm no longer the Spokemodel for Clarol?!? Who the he11 is?!?

Name: Korostolyova

Anybody think I am training a whip immediate arabian double front punch front.

Name: Claudia Rusan

Why oh why did I have to hurt my back. I mean, I had talent. whip through to double layout, split leap through triple twist, giant full to double layout, handspring layout front. I had so much talent.

Name: Thuemmler

I shall cry as much as I want too. I have reason to cry Daggi. It could have been me with gold medal in Stuttgart. *SOB*

Name: Dagmar

Don't cry so much, Doerte. It reminds me when you failed tumbling pass on FX in Seoul.

Name: Doerte Thuemmler

WAHHHHHH. I was the best GDR gymnast! But I disappeared shortly
thereafter. WAHHHHH. No Fair *SOB*

Name: Maxi Gnauck

What do you think of my hair color? In Indianapolis nobody realized me!

Name: Elena Shevchenko

Well, good thing Dina isn't competing.

Name: Roza

She's not the one Leo told me to give high scores too so I don't care.

Name: Elena Shevchenko

Um this is my real hair color. Besides, shouldn't you be watching Zamolodchikova on floor.

Name: Roza Galieva

Hey cool hair color Shevchenko. What hair dye do you use?

Name: Ludmilla Stovbachataya

Me too. Help me as well.

Name: Andrei Kan

Help, I've fallen and I can't get up.

Name: Elena Levochkina

I shall cry as much as I want too. I have reason to cry Tatyana. It could have been me with gold medal in Barcelona. *SOB*

Name: Lisenko

Don't cry so much, Elena. It reminds me when you broke your arm after Vault at International Juniors.

Name: Marius Toba

I shall be Karate Olympic Champion!

Name: Rufa Kreibich

Don't expect me too much!! In Russia I did Gymnastics only as a Hobby!!!!!

Name: Kuznetsova and Produnova

Oh good. We sort of have an excuse for our pathetic performance in Russian Nats. We were only training one month. But Moceanu dear, we can still do all-around and our routines are good under the new code. So you have no excuse.

Name: Jule and Luisa Franke

Papa! Then where should we sleep?

Name: Mario Franke

Igor, if you can't stand it when baby screams, I can stay my home. If you don't mind I'm a father but not married......

Name: Oliver Walther

OK, Igor, I can share a room of my home for you. But don't you mind my new baby screaming all the day?

Name: Kui

Drugs? you mean steriods are drugs?

Name: Executives at German gymnastics federation

Hey Igor. If you don't like Ukraine, come compete for us.

Name: unknown 1988 Soviet Jr.

Who am I. I did an arabian double front, a whip through to triple twist and a double back punch front on floor plus funky choreography

Name: Dina Kochetkova

Hey!! I think I should be recognized by Clairol also!! I have used my share of their products too.

Name: Kui Yuanyuan

Hey. don't ya thik I should share in the Amanar prize? After all, I only did 10 tumbling passes in my floor routines, and without drugs!

Name: Ron Perelman, CEO of Clairol, Inc.

I was just about to announce to a press conference that our earnings were way down and that our company could expect a huge loss. However, that was before I saw the figures for Russia, especially the girls from Round Lake, who alone accounted for $5 milli on worth of Nice n' easy dye. Seems like one Roza Galiyeva has been an especially faithful customer. But thank you, Russia!

Name: Nancy Reagan

Zhenyechka, you never did quit gymnastics, now did you? But what are those coaches in the evil empire doing to you? Remember, just say NO to drugs, no matter what the temptations (and the fact I was on uppers and downers for 20 years...)

Name: Kim Zmescow

Why is everyone talking about eating eggs, soup and birdseed? Don't they realize that there is a whole new world to be discovered with Twinkies, chips and McDonald's?

Name: John Tesh

"We come to you today from Stockholm, Sweden; where former Romanian gymnast Simona Amanar has been awarded the Nobel Prize for Science. Her contribution to the field of Aeronuatics will earn her a permanent place in history as the woman who invented the f irst organic rocket fuel..."

Name: Octavian

Damn that Simona!!
She's been cooking those coffee-bean omelets again!

Name: John Tesh

We come to you from Lausanne, Switzerland, where earlier today Romanian gymnast Gina Gogean flew out of control during her uneven bars routine and is said to have been seen orbiting the planet Mercury. The nineteen year old, who had been showing an unusua l amount of stamina during this competition, was heard yelling as she flew off into the sunset,
"It was the eeeeeeeeeggs................"

Name: Liapina

feh! I've heard about your cooking Simona...I'd rather eat Dina's hamster food

Name: Simona

Liapina- you should come live with us at Deva. I'll cook soup and eggs for you everyday and you won't even have to clean up my room for me!
Do you like cappuchino?

Name: Dina

All right, where did the birdseed go?!


Name: Oksana Lyapina

Don't complain, Dominique. You know you are very lucky to eat the Romanian stuff your mom makes. All Dina gives me is birdseed.

Name: Dominique Moceanu

Oh, damn. If only Daddy would let me eat things like butter, salad dressing, and sour cream, maybe I could put on a few pounds and qualify as a contestant. I mean, I far exceed all the other requirements. But last time I tried to talk to him about that, h e made me do 5,000 crunches. Oh well, I guess it's not worth it to try. After all, it's such a big award (fittingly) that my parents would probably have to add *another* wing to my room just to squeeze it in. That is, if we could even get it through the d oor...

Name: Katie Dyson

Hey, has anyone seen me recently? I've been told by my coaches at Cypress that I'm in the running for the Kim Zmescow Award to be presented at the National Gymnastics Congress in Colorado this year. I mean, I meet all the qualifications: terrible form, mi nimal difficulty, obnoxious coaches from Texas, and of course, most importantly, the weight requirement. Be on the look out for me...

Name: Valerie Kondos

Why Am I not the USA National team choreographer. I work wonders with my UCLA Team. Is it any wonder Stella Umeh decided to come to me.

Name: Valery Kondos

Why am I not the USA National Team Choreographer. Look at my work with Leah Homma. And Stella Umeh.

Name: Yulia Korostolyova

I rule. I can easily have 10.0 routines on all events and am the only person that can do a phelps correctly

Name: Roza

Darn! Shouldn't have overscored Dolgopolova. I might not make it to worlds then.

Name: Yuri Krukov

You know, I was supposedly the worst member of our junior euro team in 1995 yet I somehow have the ability to beat the likes of cheeseburger

Name: Yulia Korostilyova

Sorry if last name is not spelled right - hey, I'm Russian not anglo. Anyway, now that I'm second in my nationals I'm ready to take on world - hey, I've upgraded my bars and bem to the new code and I'm going to protest to FIG to get Phelps named after me since I do it right and she doesn't. What a travesty!

Name: The Head Hunchos at NBC

The Law says it right here USAG!! Section 777-777b: After the Olympics NBC must air two hour segments of three non-essential gymnastics competitions. This must be done only in the event that the USA Women's Gymnastics Team or an indivdual of that team wins a Gold Medal. After the airing of the three non-essential gymnastics competitions, NBC reserves the right to show only 4 routines of the National Championships. The rest of the hour shall be devoted to our Advertisers and NBC fluff.

Name: Oleg Ostapenko

Hey. I coached Lisenko, Kalinina, Abrashitova, Priakhina, and Karpenko. Why don't I get any respect.

Name: Elena Levochkina

WAHHHHHH. I was the best USSR Junior in 1989. I beat Miller, Gogean, Lisenko, and Mitova. But I disappeared shortly thereafter. WAHHHHH. No Fair *SOB*

Name: Anna Kovalyova, Lyudmila Yezhova, Ksenya Bogdanova

It ain't a man's world, you go girl
No more sugar and spice, and everything nice
It's a she thang, and it's all in us
We can be everything that we wanna be

Name: Kelli Hill

Not so fast, busta!

Name: Mary Lee Tracy

Yes!! I am the *New* Bela!! I reign supreme!! My girls will be unstoppable!!

Name: Roschina

Hey what am I doing on this thin piece of wood. Oh wait a minute. I never did quit gymnastics now did I.

Name: Aleksei Bondarenko

Did anybody miss me in Atlanta. I do a really good handpsring double front vault. I can also tumble and do high bar and parallel bars. Oh, I've gotten good on rings too. What else. Oh yes. Did I mention I am young.

Name: Dimitri Lvov and Anna Kovaleva

We shall be 2000 Olympic champions.

Name: Ezhova

I have very cool bars and beam. Too bad there are two other events.

Name: Lyosha Bondarkeno

Thank God Leo is no longer in charge of us guys - I'm sure he'd find a way to keep me off the Lausanne team, even though I'm the new Russian champ!!!
In your face Arkaev!!

Name: Gina G

I came to Japan to see Ninja.
Where are the NINJAAAAAAAAAA's?!?!?!
..and I HATE sushi.
I'd rather eat Simona's eggs.

Name: Roza

Purple, huh. At least I didn't dye it green.

Name: Lebedeva

Dina, I am sorry I had so many breaks...

Whatever happened to me anyway?

Name: Kochetkova

In addition, quit whining. I've been on the Soviet team longer than you and I've had to live through this crap.

Name: Kochetkova

Yeah Groshie. You cost us the team silver in Dortmund.

Name: Khorky

I shall continue the tradition of Soviet hair dye.

Name: Grosheva

You know, I'd be sooo good if I was sober.

Name: Elena Davydova

Shut up Retton. I won that gold fair and square. I hardly made any mistakes and did the most difficult routines in the world. In addition, Nadia fell from optional bars so there.

Name: Mary Lou Retton

I remember the 1980 Olympics. It was awful for Nadia. There is this Soviet girl and they made sure she won no matter what. That Soviet girl didn't deserve to win, unlike me.

Name: Kristina Scherbo

Darn!!! I will miss the age limit cut for 2008 Olympics

Name: Lisa Faenlich

You all forget me! I will be the Olympic Champion! My mama was a specialist of UB!
........But my Papa is hooked on Soccer.

Name: Lyosha Korolyov

Hey - I will be Olympic Champion in 2004! Just wait! My daddy teaches me gym and he was twice world Champion, so there!

Name: Janka

But it *IS* gymnastic Leo! See? This pink and white parts are not separated.

Name: Staff of Chunichi Cup

Sorry, miss Janka Daubner... You can't compete in Aerobic Leos.

Name: Who?

Watch out!!! Xxxx gonna steal your leos and sell them to somebody!!

Name: Jessika Nikiferow

Kathleen, You don't have to compete so long. I shall be Olympic and worlds member. Not only my Papa, but also Mama will teach me gymnastics!!!

Name: Lisenko

Um, Svetlana, your Leo is on backwards.

Name: Pavla Kinclova

Hey, and Many people in Europe still adores me as I look so elegant on Beam!

Name: GDR girls in Seoul

Whoops! We brought plastic bag! Not leos!

Name: Gabriela Krcmarova

Hey - I didn't do that bad in Atlanta - I mean, so what if I rival Eileen Diaz for wideness, but at least I have good difficulty - did you see my double layout on floor? I can tumble better than you Hana, in my sleep! So there!

Name: Daniela Bartova

Hey, Hana. Why don't you do pole vaulting with me??

Name: Hana Ricna

Is this what my country's gymnastics program has come down to?

Name: Strazh

but Natashka, do you honestly believe that Elena really forgot her leotard.

Name: Strazheva

(whispering to Laschenova) Yeah but shushunova in white is a hell of alot better than Kim Zmeskal.

Name: Laschenova

(whispering to Strazh) I like the white ones but it just occured to me that shushunova shouldn't wear white.

Name: Shushunova

Oh wooops, I "forgot" the white leotard. Silly me. We just have to wear the red ones then.

Name: Rodionenko

Okay, we shall wear white ones in Seoul.

Name: Baitova, Boginskaya, Strazheva, Laschenova, Shevchenko


Name: Andrei Rodionenko

All right, let's vote on the leos we are going to wear for Seoul. All in favor of wearing the white ones, say Da.

Name: Nishikawa

Oh, Nazis-guys.... No, it wasn't toxic smoke. It was my fart.

Name: 1992 German Men's Team

Hey Japs, did you beat us fair? NO WAY! I know Nishikawa sprinkled toxic smoke on PH!!

Name: Ralph Kern

Wow! Go Kathleen!!! You are the best!!
I will be proud of you if you win in Lausanne!!! Then I'm the world Champion's hus!!!!!

Name: Yevgenia Kuznetsova

What happened to me at Nationals?? Will I make world team? Oh no.....now that Roza is back, I have no hope *sob*

Name: Svetlana Khorkina

Hah!!! Take that Belu. Look at my scores. I am doing wonderfully under the new code. Take that!!!!! Russia Rules.

Name: Grudneva

Does anybody know what I am doing now. I was one of the coolest around.

Name: Alexei Bondarenko

I shall be 2000 Olympic Champion. Nobody will stop me, not even Arkayev.

Name: Roza

*Burp* Okay fine *Burp*

Name: Groshie

Roza, give me a 10.0 on floor or else I'll tell Leo about that guy I saw you walking with.

Name: Vika Karpenko

Hey Zamo and Ezhova, wanna join me in the Pinnochio ride. Sheremeta abandoned me *SOB*

Name: Anna Kovaleva

Russia shall rule in 2000. I finished 4th at our nationals and I am not even age-eligible.

Name: Kathleen Kern

I shall be 1997 World Uneven bar Champion. Nothing will stop me. I will compete till I am 30.

Name: Zamo

Hey, why did Roza give me an 8.2

Name: Roza

I am going to make it to worlds and it will have nothing to do with my hubby. Right Leo??

Name: Yelena Produnova

Well, I guess my last name is Produnova and not Prygunova as I was originally instisting to everybody that it was! Oh well! I hope I can pick things up for the rest of the year as I'd like to be ranked higher than 9th, especially with Roza coming back! Her hubbie would never keep her off the world team!

Name: Vanda

No, Simona....you're wrong. I didn't eat your eggs. I'm not that stupid...
You're ultra cool too. Lose the Nutcracker music and put some more dance elements into your floor routine, you'll be okay.

Name: Simona

Vanda- Simple. You ate my eggs.
I agree though you were really something! Ultra cool.

Name: Vanda Hadaredan

What happened to me? I was so cool.

Name: 1992 Japanese men's team

Hey Germany, we beat you fair and square! We peaked the right time, just like in Seoul, so there!

Name: Heinz Lohrer

Sergei, just come to me.

Name: Sergei Kharkov

Vielen Danke for your message of welcome!
But I'm afraid I can't do anything for you.... My feet hurt.

Name: Milena Mavrodieva, Maja Hristova, Mirela Peneva

That's not our urine. We don't do drugs. Hey, if we were in Barcelona, Bulgaria would be in Top 5, not last place.

Maja and Milena-And wasn't our floor exercises the coolest.

Name: Maria Kartalova

Ahem, you are forgetting about me.

Name: Sylvio Kroll, Andreas Wecker,Ralf Buechner,Mario Franke,Andre Hempel,Jan-Peter Nikiferow,Oliver Walther

Did *we* deserved the Bronze?

Name: Diana Dudeva, Deliana Vodenitcharova, Boriana Stoyanova, Khrabrina Khrabrova,Ivelina Rajikova, and....(who was our 6th team member?? sorry...)

Hey - we deserved the bronze, okay? I (Deliana) did a double layout, triple twist, and piked full-in on floor! We rocked with some of the most imaginative and difficult routines out there!
(does anyone remember the name of the 6th girl on our team??)

Name: Sergei Pfeifer

??What??? I've been already in Kienbaum...

Name: Jennifer Eisenfart

You are wrong!!!! The US was robbed of a medal like they always are. Good Grief.

Name: All Germans

Welcome to Kienbaum, Sergei!

Name: Kathleen Kern

Don't worry, my superiors.
I will win medal in Lausanne!!!!!!!

Name: Astrid Hesse

Does anyone feel sorry for me? I mean I competed at 1983 Europeans and worlds, 1987 worlds, and 1989 worlds, but I never got to compete in the Olympics! Sucks to be me. I was the only half decent gymnast on the 1989 world team - how embarassing....

Name: Ulrike Klotz, Dagmar Kersten, Martina Jentsch, Gabrielle Faenrich, Doerte Thuemmler, Bettina Sheiferdecker

For the record: we deserved to win the bronze in Seoul! US podium deduction or no podium deduction! So there!

Name: Dorthe Thuemmler & Ulrike Klotz

Don't blame us who ran away from gymnastics!

Name: Gabi Weller

Shut up, Ralph (yeah, you spell your name wrong!). Now I became a spokesman of German gymnasts. If you say something bad, I can tell DTB about that asking for action!

Name: Ralf Kern

Gabi - I hope you're not saying you were the best in Germany (aren't you long retired???) My wife has reigned supreme since 1990 and she'll reign supreme forever!

Name: Maxi Gnauk

What, when east decided to unify with west, I thought talent pool would be bigger. But now this?

Name: Gabi Weller

Annette, you are not the best gymnast in the world. Not in Germany, either!

Name: Viktoria Karpenko

No Fair!!!!! WAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!! I hate "Small World"

Name: Lyubov Sheremeta

Yipee. Space Mountain was fun. Wish you were here Vika!!!!!

Name: Annette Potempa

Hmmm... You are all wrong.
I'm the best gymnast in the world!!!!!!!

Name: somebody

I think I lost my way..... I thought here is round Lake but not!
Here is Kienbaum!!!!

Name: Marvin Behrendt

I envy you all..... My Papa tells me to be a Tinsmith to succeed to him! But my papa was the Olympic Champion on Rings!!!! What a joking!

Name: Lukas Kroll

Aleksei... is it really that your father had shared one bed with my father?

Name: Maik Belle

I wish German unified earlier! Then Heinz could treat my knee!

Name: Aleksei Mogilny

You are wrong Lukas, I shall be 2008 Olympic Champion.

Name: Kai Tippelt

No, Lukas. You are wrong! *I* will be the Olympic Champion. Not only my father, but also my grandfather teaches me gymnastics!!!!!

Name: Dagmar Kersten

That's it!!! You can Do it!!! Keep your Tummy in, keep your back straight. One, Two......

Name: Octavian

Simona!!!!! What are all these corpses doing in my gym!!!! Next time, I should just get Gina to lead the Aerobic exercises.

Name: Lisa

Nooooo!!! Papaaaaaa!!! Let me do gymnastiiiiiics!!!!!!
Lisa wants to do iiiiiiiit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *Waaaaah!!!!!!*

Name: Heinz Lohrer

Hallo, Oli! I'm sorry I couldn't cure your shoulder for Sabae. If I could, you could won HB titel instead of Andi.

Name: Lukas Kroll

Sorry, big sister! *I* will be the Olympic Champion. I am a boy so papa teaches me gymnastics!

Name: Oliver Walther

If a German should win high bar, it should be me. My kovacs to geinger combination looks so easy. And I have beautiful form on my triple back dismount.

Name: Julia Strattmann, Rufa Kreibich

Why couldn't Heinz Lohrer cure our legs, even though he cured Igor Korobchinsky!!

Name: Sylvio

Stop, Lisa!! I told you must not do gymnastics! I said gymnastics is not for girls! Can't you obey your Papa?

Name: Sylvio

Stop, Lisa!! I told me you must not do gymnastics! I said gymnastics is not for girls! Can't you obey your Papa?

Name: Annette Potempa

Hey! How come did you realize me???

Name: Lisa Kroll

I will be Olympic Champion in 2004!!!

Name: Simona

What, we've only been doing aerobics exercises for 5 hours now. Come on, I really want to see you lunge.

Name: Mirela Tugurlan

Simona, can we stop now, my feet are killing me.

Name: Simona

Come on girls, get those legs up.

Name: Simona Amanar

Okay girls, let's begin our aeorbics exercises

Name: Gina G

Ooh! Aah! Just a leetle beet!

Name: Kui Yuanyuan

I would have really kicked Shannon's butt if I had made EF on beam!!!

Name: Francois

Listen, we do know alot about gymnastics and let me tell you, Shannon is the best. Her medals speak for itself. Okay, there were a few questionable medals and Kui Yuanyuan did get the highest optional beam score in Atlanta but that still doesn't prove a nything. Shannon rules. Now give her the respect she needs.

Name: Julianne McNamara

I must say, some great difficulty is seen here! For graffitti, you all write very tidily!
Must have been quite difficult.

Name: Gina

See, see! He called me *my* Gina. Finally someone is nice to me.

Name: Michael

Hello, very pleased to meet you, Milo and Simona.

Do not worry, my Gina. I will be nice to you. Do you want me to sing a song to you?

Name: Gina

Okay, okay. Michael, this is Milo, and this girl over here with eggs on her face, the one who smells like cappucCino, is Simona.
Now I think I'll just go sit in my little corner and sulk for awhile.

Name: Simona and Milo

Gina! Don't take all the attention for yourself! Let us talk to him,

Name: Gina

*moonwalks over to Michael*
Hello, nice white man. I remember you from somewhere.....weren't you getting plastic surgery in Bucharest when I was getting my appendix taken out?

Name: Michael Jackson

Hello, Gina.

Name: Roza

Fine, Elena. Take this. It's my last bottle of vodka, though, so go easy on it.

Name: Gina G.

*scrapes herself up off the road*
What am I thinking? I can't kill myself! I'm already dead!

Name: Simona Amanar

Gina......GINA! Don't run out in front of that--- *CRUNCH* ---bus.
Wow. I didn't know she hated Japanese food *that* much.

Name: Lena G.

Roza, save some for me! Gina doesn't need to get drunk!

Name: Roza

Here you go, Gina. Have a drink of this. It will take away all your problems.

Name: Simona

No, I'm sorry Gina, but you will have Japanese food tonight while the rest of us have my eggs and soup. That should teach you never to insult my cooking again.

And learn how to spell cappuccino.

Name: Gina G.

Everyone's always picking on me.
Hmmph. And the American public wonders why I never smile.

Name: Gina G.

Simona, no!! Anything but Japanese!
Give me a plateful of your cappucino eggs please.

Name: Milo

It's okay, Simona. The eggs aren't that bad. Don't listen to Gina.

Name: Dominique Moceanu

It's okay, Daddy. Sounds like a great idea. I didn't need my toes anyway. It's not like I point them or anything....

Name: Dumitru Moceanu

I admit it, little Domi. I cut your toes off while you were sleeping. I figured they would be a great attraction for our new gym! When people come in, we will let them touch the toes of a great gymnast! Leigh Steinberg gave me the idea. He seems to t hink that it holds great public relations possibilities. What do you think, sweetie?

Name: Simona

Shut up, Gina. They do not taste like cappuccino, they taste like.... um, chicken?

Be quiet or else I'll make you that Japanese food that you hate so much.

Name: Dominique Moceanu

*sob* Somebody help. I seem to have lost my toes. Somebody stole my toes! *sniffle*

Name: Simona Amanar

And what's wrong with cappucino? You obviously need one, Gina.

Name: Gina Gogean

Don't eat Simona's eggs. They taste like cappucino.

Name: Levochkina


Name: Simona Amanar

Anybody want some eggs? I can cook, you know!

Name: Kerri Strug

Don't listen to him!!! I'm warning you! Stay away from Steinberg, that dirty crook!

Name: Leigh Steinburg

Kryukov, Kotchetkova, I can set you both up with a great lawyer. We'll sue Galieva. You'll be millionaires! I promise!

Name: Kryukov

Darn it. She outran me.

Roza, you will pay....

Name: Dina

At last! I think I outran him!

Roza, you will pay....

Name: Roza and Arkayev and Lena G.

Arkayev: Heh heh heh

Roza: *burp* hee hee hee

Lena G: *hiccup* *giggle*

Roza: *hicc!* I never knew *hiccup* Dina could *burp* run that fast!

Lena G: *buuurp*

Name: Kryukov

Ehhhh? I can't hear you, Dina! I'm deaf! Stop yelling in my ear! Owwww! Why are you hitting me? Stop! ROZA! HELP!!!

Name: Dina

AGGGHHHHHH! Kryukov, get your dirty hands off me!!! Ewwwww, ewww, ewww! What did I do to deserve this? Roza, HELP ME!

Name: Dina

AGGGHHHHHH! Kryukov, get your dirty hands off me!!! Ewwwww, ewww, ewww! What did I do to deserve this? Roza, HELP ME!

Name: Dina

AGGGHHHHHH! Kryukov, get your dirty hands off me!!! Ewwwww, ewww, ewww! What did I do to deserve this? Roza, HELP ME!

Name: Marleen Lavoie

Why did my Canadian Federation hate me so much? Couldn't they see I had Yurkina potential? I mean I didnt' fall down *that* much! Instead they let Shanyn MacEachern compete at the world championships. How insulting!

Name: Roza

Hmmmm...I think I spy a great way to get back at Dina for beating up my Leo!

OHHHH KRYUUUUUKOV!!! Kryukov!!! Yeah, you, blondie, come over here for a second. Dina told me she'd love to go out with you! Yeah......yes.....that's right, pick her up at seven o'clock! Bye now, Kryukov.

Ahhhh....sweet revenge...

Name: all Gymn-list subscribers except Eisenfart


Name: Nikolai Kryukov

Hey, I'm a nice guy, not a Shabayev. I don't smoke or drink to excess - say, Dina, would you go out with me?

Name: Gymn-list subscribers

All in favor of dumping Eisenbart in a river, say "da."

Name: Henrietta Onodi

I am woman, hear me ROAR!

Name: Jenniffer Eisenbart

Can danafan please email me.

Name: Maik Belle

How come I never got to compete in an Olympic Games. I had cool skills including a full-twisting triple back off high bar.

Name: Julia Strattman

Did anybody miss me in Atlanta. Isn't my triple twist off beam gorgeous/

Name: Kathleen Stark-Kern

Well, I am German, but I am a woman, not a girl (just ask Ralf) and I am not hideous (again, ask Ralf).
I'm still going strong at age 22. I think I'll compete till I'm 30, as long as I can still make German team, which given our talent pool, won't be too difficult. I wonder where the games will be in 2004 - that'd be a nice way to go out.

Name: Anette Potempa

Hey - I'm that hideous German girl. I'm sorry Dana, my coaches made me do it! But I was still a cool gymnast - I did a wrong way back giant to a push-off back layout-pike bars dismount (like a Tsukahara).
Why is the German women's team so bad now?

Name: Moceanu

Oh wait a minute. That's me. Nevermind.

Name: Moceanu

Who is that hideous American girl??? How dare she make a mockery of my dance!!!

Name: Aurelia Dobre

I bet that "hideous German girl" used my music or dance in Indianapolis!!!

Name: Groshkova

Who is that hideous German girl that competed in Cottbus 1993??? How dare she use my dance!!!

Name: Laschenova

Who is that hideous German girl that competed in Cottbus 93? How dare she use my music!!!

Name: Dominique Moceanu

Well....people say I'm hideous....and I stole one of your moves on beam.....but I'm not German...

Name: Silivas

Who is that hideous German girl that competed in Barcelona Olympics??? How dare she use my music and also Dance!!!

Name: Kim Zmeskal

Chicken?! Did somebody say chicken??? Okay, girls, where are you hiding the chicken?! When it comes to Rotissaire Gold, NO ONE stands in *my* way!

Name: Roza and Lena G,

Okay, thanks Lyapina. :) But there is a slight problem. We can't find any bird seed. Do you want the chickens?

Name: Roza and Lena G.

Vodka? Who said vodka?!
[Lena puts arm around Lyapina]
Lyapina, buddy, go get me some vodka and I'll make sure you get some more birdseed. Okay?

Name: Dina

Oh shut up Zmescow. I've known about that birdseed. Liapina, come here. Why don't you be a good girl and go buy some vodka for Elena and Roza.

Name: Kim Zmescow

Okay, Lyapina, it's a deal. But please don't get the fat free type.

Name: Lyapina

Kimbo - NOOO! Please don't! It's the only food I have....
I'll get you another pack of Oreo's!

Name: Kim Z.

That's it, Lyapina! I've had enough of your wise cracks. I'm going to tell Dina about that stash of birdseed you've got.

Name: Lyapina

Uh- Kim Z: isn't it obvious?

Name: Dominique

Thanks for all your support guys :) I'll win a gold medal in Lausanne, so don't you worry.

Name: Kim Zmeskal

Who said I need to drink Diet Sprite? Why are you guys always talking about me?!

Name: Moceanu fans

Oh Dominique...How could you talk like this? You're the bestest and most beautiful gymnast to watch! We know you'll rock in Lausanne!! You've got the most difficult routines of anybody!!! And nobody can come close to interpreting a piece of floor music li ke you do!!!!

Name: Dominique Moceanu on a bender

Guys, am I stupid or merely ugly? Who am I and why am I here?

Name: Oksana Chusovitina and Roza Galiyeva

Air Uzbekistan sucks sh*t!

Name: Dina Kochetkova

Hey, can I have some too? Wait a minute, this isn't Diet Sprite!

Name: Yelena Grosheva

Sorry Lenochka, but you're like 12 years old! Even in Moscow they won't let you get away with that. But I promise we'll take ya out to Chuck E. Cheese sometime.

Name: Roza

Will you share with me too Anna and Grisha? It helps make things easier for me....

Name: Anna Mirgorodskaya

Hey Grisha *burb* - pass the vodka.

Name: Orelie Troscompt

Why did I retire? I mean I'm only 15 going on 16 and I haven't tapped my full potential yet. My floor routine was of course cool (only the one from Atlanta; I did this atrocious routine at the American, I must appologize for that) - well, I'm French so of course my dance rules.
Oh well. Mabye I'll have a change of heart.

Name: Camelia Voinea

Hey, I am the one true breakdancer.

Name: Zamo

Hey Groshie, can I come to the nightclubs too. I can breakdance really well.

Name: Director Redden

Hey Shannon, I wrote this really cool story. It's called Shannon and the 3 bears. Here read it. Hey what are the security guards doing. Hey, Shannon is my friend. Take those handcuffs off.

Name: Oksana O.

While I am at it, doesn't that idiot Tim Dagget know I was the originator of the back-back tumbling passes. I was the one who pioneered it. He must know. I was outdifficultying him in 1987.

Name: Oksana O.

Hey, you copycat you. I was the original user of bird music.

Name: Elena Sazonenkova

I hear you Oksana. And how dare Alena Polozkova use *my* birdie music.

Name: Oksana O.

Who is that hideous German girl that competed in 1996 Jr. Europeans. How dare she use my music!!!

Name: Korostileva

Does anybody think I will be world Champion in 1997. I do a whip immediate arabian double front and I am the only person in the world who can do a Phelps correctly

Name: The Lausanne Trials - Judge Fujisaki

On the docket stand Bela Karolyi, Geza Poszar, Dominique Moceanu, Kim Zmeskal, and Betty Okino. They are charged with crimes against gymnastic humanity and intent to cause suffering. This case will not be remanded to family court! The accused are hereby s entenced to five years of listening to Simona Amanar's Olympic floor music. The court is adjourned.

Name: Amber

Well Nemov, you're OK. And you must be a good gymnast because you won that gold medal on the pommel horse (Didn't you, I mean everyone was always talking about your pommel horse routine in Atlanta). And Shabayev, you must be an up and coming gymnast becau se I've never seen you before. But, THE hottest gymnast is Chainey Umphrey!!

Name: Ludmilla Stovbachataya

I must lay off the Stolchy. Then maybe I can actually go a meet without falling down.

Name: Shabayev

Ah, but I am handsomer than you Nemov.

Name: Nemov

Hey I thought I was supposed to be the hunk of gymnastics

Name: Paul Ziert

Well, you guys dont' have that special "something" that Krasimir has. He's *so* hot!

Name: Alla Misnik

What ever happened to me? I was the top Soviet at the 1981 Europeans and I had some neat skills: two whips through to a double tuck on floor and a Tkatchev and Jaeger on bars. Why didn't I make a world team??

Name: Jordan Jotchev

Apparently, my awesome strength moves and layout FULL OUT dismount wasn't enough either.

Name: Ivan Ivanov

What - you mean my huge layout full-in and double layout punch front 1 1/4 isn't enough?

Name: Krsimir Dounev

Hey teammate, buddy of mine Ivan Ivanov - you have to pose semi-nude in IG magazine - that will get you respect.

Name: Ivan Ivanov

My last name is Ivanov not IvanKov. What does a man have to do to get respect.

Name: Bruno Grandi

Hey Bela. I wanna recommend you this airline company. It's called Aeroflaut. It's really great. Try it. It will make the gymnastics world very happy.

Name: Svetlana Ivanova Todorova

*I* had the best floor exercise ever. Such stunning musical interpretation and my never-ending and ever so sultry womanly lines. Top that world.
(Bulgarian gymnastics program=RIP)

Name: UWE

Belenki, amn't *I* your ripe fruit?
Forget the girl who abandoned you!

Name: Tatyana Kim

Aeroflaut sucks!!!!

Name: Miller and Atler

We'll give blood Dina! After all, you're helping us get rid of that lunatic that is stalking us.

Name: Lyapina

I guess we should have given them the dog scraps Dina..I could have gone without food another day.

Name: Belenky

Don't worry Dina, I'll save you.

Name: Red cross person

Sorry, you must be a certain weight to donate blood.

Name: Lyapina

I am coming Dina don't worry.

Name: Dina

Help I need a blood transfusion. Zmeskal and Diaz sat on me.

Name: Lyubov and Vika

I think Olga said there's a little drop on this ride. Let's go!

Name: vTicket Taker at Splash Mountain

Sorry Vika and Liuba. You still don't pass the fog horn leg horn test. Now since you are tired of the teacups, go to Pirates of the Caribean.

Name: Karpenko and Sheremeta

Karpenko: Splash mountain, do you think they'll let us on that ride?
Sheremeta: I hope so, the tea cups are making me dizzy!

Name: Lyapina

OK Dina! I'll use the pooper scooper when we get back. But you know, those two can be fun for those few minutes they're not hungry. Like when you go on Splash Mountain with them, they make BIG splashes for our log!

Name: Dina

Please! Feeding you to those two would be like
giving a Tick Tak to a whale (in this case, two).
Come away from those two, Lyapina, and we'll try and
steal some scaps for you from the dogs.

Name: Lyapina

Sure, just eat me. You'll only gain 5 more pounds anyway.

Name: Kim and Eileen

Back off Lyapina, or we'll eat you, too! Or at least
use you to pick our teeth!

Name: Kim Z.

Well, you can kiss the crumbs I was going to save for you good-bye!

Name: Lyapina

You two are hogs.

Name: Kim Z.

Share?! Well, don't you have another box stashed away, Eileen? Then we could each have our own box!

Name: Eileen Diaz

Here's a Twinkie, Kim. I don't mind sharing, I have
a whole box here. Mmmmm, aren't they good?

Name: Belenki

Yelena lies like a rug. I know nothing of Vika and
her knees. I like my fruit ripe, like Sveta
Boguinskaia, the Goddess of Love!

Name: Kim Z.

Geez, don't ya'll have anything else better to eat around here than bird seed?!

Name: Ekaterina Vandysheva

Why did I have to fall? I had one of the best FX routines ever! I didn't even get to go to a World Championship! Maybe, if I had been in Atlanta, Russia would have won gold! Why?!?!?!!??!?!?!

Name: Gail Kachura

Dominique, you're name also rhymes with "I'm a freak."

Name: Erica Stokes

Does anyone else think I was the only real gymnast Karolyi ever coached in the US? No wonder he hated me so much!

Name: Bruno Grandi

One of my first actions as FIG president is the formation of the "Ugly Gymnastics Clause." At every world championships forthwith, the technical committee will examine the results and may site this clause when necessary to strip the champion of their gol d medal.
My only regret is that this new rule is too late to be applied to the gag - I mean mag - seven in Atlanta.

Name: Geza

Noooooooooooo, please! Anything but that!Wait, maybe I will just defect somewhere. That worked last time...

Name: Dominique who's NOT a geek

Well, "Kachura" rhymes with "mature-a," and we all know that that is very bad. Ha ha ha!

Name: The Jury

Geza Posar, you have been found guilty of crimes
against gymnastic artistry, despite compelling
testimony from Michelle Campi. You have hereby been
sentenced to an enternity of listening to
Milosovici's music from Brisbane Worlds!

Name: Gail Kachura

So - Dominique rhymes with "I'm a geek" so there!

Name: Dominique

Shut up. "Gail" rhymes with "whale," so ha!

Name: Gail Kachura

What about me? My coach is Tatyana Perskaya, coach of Oksana Omeliantchik. I was injured last year but I"ve got back all my old skills and then some - watch out world!

Name: Geza Pozar

Domi, don't listen to her. Does the crowd get involved in her routines? Does she have spunky music? Does she shake her butt? Does she play air-piano? No, no, no, and no. It's *you*, my dear, that knows the secrets to dance. Maybe if you taught her, she co uld actually win a meet!

Name: Mary Beth Arnold and Jaycie Phelps

Hey, Theresa, what about us?

We wouldn't mind that much, if you did win, though. Because you have good form and beautiful choreography. Anybody but little Dominique, please!

Name: Theresa

Dominique, you know you're a bad vaulter when *my* Yurchenko-full looks better then your God-awful Yurchenko 1 1/2. Go back to Level 5--wait, wait, go back to the pre-school gym classes and learn what form is!

Name: Dominique

Dance? What's that? Will you teach me, Theresa? Pretty please with a cherry on top?

Name: Dominique

Theresa, learn how to vault! And next time, don't go to Ross the Boss to get your hair wacked off!

Name: Theresa Kulikowski

Hey Domi, I don't need to wiggle my butt - I can *dance*. I also outdifficutly you on 3 of the 4 events, so there!
I will be 1997 USA Champion!

Name: Dominique

Christina, my dear little sissy, you will have your time...

Hey can you wiggle your butt like me? I bet you will score a 10 on your floor routine if you can!

Name: Christina Moceanu

What do I have to do to get some attention around
here? All anyone cares about is Domi. Domi Domi

Name: Dominique

Uh, Theresa- you don't have my wonderful choreography, I've never seen you wiggle your butt!

© 1996 and Designed and Programmed By Michael Hall and available at The Scripts Home.
Last Updated on Sunday, December 10, 1995